Lost Friend

Seems like several people I "know" are dealing with relationship issues. Sometimes these things are wonderful and sometimes they are not. Here is my story for today:

I have been thinking about a certain girl that I was friends with through college and several years beyond. We got along well enough and we had a bunch of the same friends. We did tons of stuff together and I have wondeful memories that we made together. She was somewhat infatuated with me. I would dare say that she loved me and desperately wanted me to express any amount of desire for her in return. I knew this and therefore was very cautious to make sure I never misled her or gave her any reasons to think that I wanted our relationship to go that way. Yet still she would gaze at me from time to time with a look that was beyond the realm of just friends and I would quickly side-step the moment and move on.

Then we graduated and distance became our common enemy. She always talked about visiting me, but I was never comfortable with her driving the 7 hours to just see me. I felt naked and exposed without our common friends to fall back on, so I always made sure that somehow the trip would never materialize. She was in town one night on a layover on a business trip and she called and left a message for me to call her. I didn't the message until I got in around 1am, so I simply went to bed. I didn't have the energy to talk for hours and lose sleep. She was in a hotel room less than a mile away (she didn't know that) and I wasn't able to visit with her. I regretted that the next day, but that's life.

Then she moved overseas. She called and basically begged me to come visit. She called every Saturday morning and would talk to me for 2 hours about the same exact stuff we talked about the week before. She always talked about our college days as if they should be enshrined and relived as often as possible. And she would inevitably ask me when I thought I was going to be able to come visit. I would explain to her my financial situation and we would end the conversation. After almost a month of being awakened at 9am or earlier on Saturdays, I began to just simply let the phone ring and she would leave a message.

After several weeks of me not answering the phone, she started calling on random nights of the week. The first time it happened I was on my way out the door and getting iff the phone with her was like pulling teeth. The second time we talked for about 30 minutes and I ended the conversation. It was at this point that I began screening all of my phone calls. Let's face it, sometimes you just don't have the energy to rehash the past or discuss why you cannot come visit. So I would actually pick up and talk to her about once a month. She called almost every week. I never called her back (Hello, it's an international call and I was barely able to pay my phone bill without any long-distance on it.)

One day, she caught me on a day when I wasn't in the mood to put up with her guilt-trip laden request for me to come visit. She blatently stated that she questioned my friendship because she was the only one calling and I wouldn't come visit. That was all I could take. I told her that due to her approach to our relationship, I didn't want her calling me anymore and that our conversations would have to take place through e-mail or not at all. She quickly tried to take back her accusations, but I wouldn't listen to any of it and I ended the conversation. That was the shortest conversation we have ever had (under 7 minutes), and it was the last time we have talked. I receive a generic email from her every once in a while, but it's been two years since we've actively communicated.

I have been thinking about e-mailing her lately, just to let her know that I have moved beyond that point in my life. I regret the way things fell apart, but I do not regret the way I approached it. I was honest with her, even when she couldn't be honest to herself. She hasn't known where I have lived for a year and a half and I don't plan on changing that right now. She doesn't know any of my phone numbers and that won't change either. However, I think it is time to fill her in on what has been going on in my life. I feel as if I owe her at least the knowledge that I am now married. Now I just have to figure out how to word this initial e-mail...