Movie Theater Etiquette

After going to the movie theater last weekend to see Star Wars Revenge of the Sith, the following thoughts occurred to me and I feel compelled to share them.

How to Be a Considerate Movie Watcher
If you think you may need to go to the bathroom at some point in the movie, sit as close to the aisle as possible. (If you have a history of not being able to hold it for two hours or more, then you should do everything possible to claim the aisle seat.)

If you plan on actually leaving the theatre for candy, popcorn or soda during the film, place yourself near an aisle.

If you have small children with you, sit on the aisle so you can get out quickly when they need to go to the bathroom and/or get loud or begin crying.

If you leave the movie for any reason, do not begin asking twenty questions upon your return. You left the theater, so you figure it out. By asking all of your questions you are causing other people to miss things. Just sit back down in your seat and shut up.

If you feel compelled to make a comment to someone next to you, whisper it in their ear. I doubt that you have anything to say that would benefit the rest of us moviegoers, and I for one don't care what you think about an outfit, setting or plot twist. Talk about such things after the film is over.

If you have a cell phone or pager with you, turn it off. If you leave it on and it rings, silence it quickly. If you feel compelled to answer it, silence the ring then leave the theater prior to talking into your phone. If you leave your phone on and answer a call and talk to someone on it, you deserve to have it crammed down your throat. If you actually make the call yourself and speak to someone on it, then you deserve to be castrated and banned from movie theaters for life. Your best bet is to simply turn off your phone at the beginning of the previews. After all, you are at the theater to get away from the business of life for a while, so why don't you detatch the phone from your ear for a while?

Oh, and in case that isn't clear enough for you, read this great piece written by a television writer/producer who did some work on "Seinfeld". It seems that this kind of obnoxious behavior in theaters is pandemic.