Dear Atlanta Braves,
We're sorry to hear about the failing health of your newly acquired right fielder, J.D.Drew. We understand that he is still feeling some pain in his knee and leg and is working to rehabilitate them as quickly as possible. We should advise you that, in the unlikely event that you didn't check his past history before purchasing his services, Mr. Drew has repeatedly given lame excuses for not playing/practicing. Although some of these excuses did seem to be validated by the team physician, others could in no way be substantiated.
It became apparent over the course of our relationship with Mr. Drew that his tolerance for discomfort is minimal at best. While other personnel took their positions daily while struggling with certain injuries (back spasms/elbow issues, etc), Mr. Drew repeatedly would not prepare to play due to injuries such as, but not limited to, knee pain/discomfort, muscle spasms in the back/legs, hip problems, ankle trouble. As stated in our trade discussions with you, we cannot and will not be held liable for the condition of the player you have resumed contractual responsibility.
We therefore declare on this day, the 22nd of February, that J.D.Drew is your problem! We gladly wipe our hands clean of this wishy-washy performer. We enthusiastically wave goodbye to him as he hobbles away on his bad hip/knee/leg/ankle. We can only hope that his ability to perform (or lack thereof) will directly impact the success of your disgusting baseball franchise, and that his health and tolerance for pain will in no way improve for you in the coming years.
We put up with his whining for far too long and are now happy to pass it off on one of our enemies. Good riddance!
May your season be as pathetic as J.D.'s excuses for not playing.
Sincerely,
Cardinal Nation
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